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In a daring show of solidarity with the people of Gaza, pro-Palestine activists in the United States have pledged to fly exclusively on Boeing-manufactured airplanes until Israel ends its anti-Hamas offensive—or until their stunt claims all of their lives.

“I am ready to die for the people of Palestine, and I know that a Boeing jet is the surest way to do so,” said pro-Gaza zealot Salma Gesaade of Minneapolis.

Gaza supporters have grabbed headlines around the world with their noisy displays of willingness to risk injury, illness, and even death in support of the cause. In New York, playwright Victor I. Cazares has ceased taking his HIV suppression medication until the NY Theatre Workshop publicly calls for a Gaza ceasefire. In Washington, Air Force serviceman Aaron Bushnell died after immolating himself outside the Israeli embassy.

But the announcement by the Coalition of the Righteous Against Satanic Hebrews (CRASH) is the most extreme commitment yet.

“A hunger strike may be ended through force feeding, and with quick medical attention, it is possible to survive even an attempt at immolation,” said Dearborn resident Suq M’diq. “But to repeatedly board a Boeing aircraft is a sure path to glorious martyrdom, inshallah.”

The idea of a Boeing strike occurred to CRASH members, they say, after the group chartered a Boeing 737 MAX to deliver relief supplies to the people of Gaza, only for the plane to plummet from the sky and explode just twenty-three seconds after takeoff, instantly killing everyone on board.

“As I heard the screams from our comrades in the wreckage, I realized this was the perfect form of protest,” said CRASH member Heidi Heller. “By repeatedly boarding Boeing jets for travel, we will prove to the world that not even certain death will deter us from our cause.”

CRASH’s demands are simple: All of them will board one Boeing flight per week until Israel ends its offensive in Gaza and recognizes a Palestinian state. The stakes are high: at that rate of Boeing travel, all of the group’s six hundred members are expected to be dead within eight months. For the group’s leaders, the future is even bleaker: They have vowed to only fly on Boeing jets piloted exclusively by United’s all-woman flight crews until they reach their no-doubt imminent demise.

The group initially considered traveling to Gaza directly to act as human shields, standing directly in the path of Israeli tanks, but ultimately decided the Boeing strategy was far more deadly and, by extension, more worthy.

“We fear nothing,” said member Hasan Al-Rahman. “All we seek is to be martyrs for liberation, justice, and Boeing’s DEI policies.”

CRASH’s pledge has raised the stakes for other Hamas sympathizers to find their own wantonly self-destructive ways of showing support. In California, the anti-Zionist group Jews Against Bibi (JAB) has pledged to receive every single mRNA anti-Covid booster shot until Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is jailed for human rights violations. In Miami, a collection of anti-Israel young women have vowed to become interns for Joe Scarborough of Morning Joe if their demands are not met. And according to recent reports from TMZ, one young Palestine supporter has been pestering Alec Baldwin for the past four months, begging to serve as an unpaid assistant on all of Baldwin’s films, just as long as he can shout “Free Palestine” before Baldwin practices a scene (with potentially fatal results).

Other Gaza supporters, less willing to put life and limb on the line for the cause, have chosen more abstract methods of self-harm. Isaiah Sullivan, a lifelong Democrat, sought out a communications job for Ronna McDaniel at the RNC shortly after the Gaza offensive began, reasoning that while he wasn’t prepared for literal suicide, committing career suicide was the next best thing.

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